A while ago now I read a very funny post, ‘Anxious Hog’, by David at The Anxious Gardener. He had been keeping a note of some of the strange and funny search terms that people had used and, by doing so, had ended up at his blog. The statistics page is a fascinating element of writing a blog. Something I had never given any thought to when I first started writing Wellywoman. It’s intriguing to see people from far flung parts of the globe such as Pakistan, Burma and Mongolia visiting my blog. I have no idea what has brought them here, does my name confuse, if not, I’m sure my ramblings do!
After reading David’s post I noted down a few of the more unusual search terms that came up on my own blog but then I got distracted and a million and one other things got my attention instead. That is, until the other day. A quick glance at the search terms for Monday revealed someone had come to my site using the search words ‘alan titchmarsh crotch’. Well I have to say it did make me giggle. In fact, I’m smiling now. I happen to have mentioned Mr T’s name a few times in my posts and I did write about having a hole in the crotch of my jeans when talking about the scruffy attire I can be found in when gardening. However, I don’t think I want to know why someone was specifically searching for more info on the gardening guru’s groin.
Anyway, it was my lunch break and, rather than do something useful like sorting through a pile of paperwork, I started to go through all the search terms wordpress had stored for my blog. And what an intriguing world it opened up. When I was trying to come up with a name for my blog I really didn’t give any thought to those out there with a welly fetish. It never crossed my mind, why should it? Very early on the search term ‘I’m turned on by wellies’ appeared, much to my surprise and concern. I did worry that Wellywoman had been a bad choice and I was going to attract the wrong sort of attention. Fortunately, those worries haven’t materialised. It’s quite amusing to think though, that there are some seriously disappointed people out there, who have no doubt thought my site will offer all sorts of titillation and instead it’s me writing about my seeds not germinating and marauding slugs. There seems a particular interest to see ‘women in muddy wellies’, note the ‘muddy’ element. Well, each to their own. There have also been various searches for a selection of female gardeners, who shall remain nameless, posing topless. The page 3 gardener or lads mag equivalent of Gardens Illustrated are concepts, as yet, untried. Clearly a disappointment for some.
I was particularly fascinated by the person who felt the need to search for ‘should postmen cut across peoples gardens instead of using paths’. My imagination suggests someone seething every morning when their mail is dropped off by their garden philistine of a postie. I’m not sure what they were looking for, some piece of legislation that they could threaten he, or she with, maybe.
There was the plaintive ‘why have I got so many slugs in my garden’. It conjures up a picture of someone at the end of their tether, feeling as if they must be being punished for something in a previous life to have been subjected to plague-like proportions of slugs. I just want to give this person a virtual hug and say it’s not just you.
In one post I wrote about leaf mould being like a duvet and in another a passing mention was made to Prince Charles, who’d have thought there would be someone out there who would then come through to my blog searching for ‘prince charles doesn’t like duvets’! Why, why why?
I’m not sure whether ‘wellies in bed’ and the cryptic ‘wifes wellies filling’ are touching on the unseemly again. I’m guessing so.
And finally, my misspent lunch-break uncovered a particular fascination with Monty Don’s attire. I did write a post entitled ‘Gardening Attire’ in which I mentioned Monty and his signature blue uniform which he wears whilst gardening. Well it seems, if my blog is anything to go by, that Monty clothes generate a lot of interest, with search terms including ‘monty don smock’, ‘monty don’s blue shirt’, ‘shirts worn by monty don’, ‘monty don clothing’ and ‘where does monty get his clothes’. Maybe Monty is missing a trick. His own clothing range for gardeners, perhaps?
So, I just want to say thanks to David at The Anxious Gardener for his initial post on the subject and for a diverting way to spend a lunchtime. If you don’t already follow his blog, take a look, for witticisms, garden and wildlife related musings and ace photos.
Hilarious post! Really made me chuckle. Its a funny old world!
Thanks for a hilarious post WW , really enjoyed it! Wouldn’t know where to start looking and I think it had better stay that way, you never know what I might find, the way some peoples minds work is a bit worrying!
Monty once told people on twitter where he got his clothes from.. It was a posh place selling bespoke peasant clothes IMO but I can’t remember where now. One of the most popular search terms for turning up at my blog is “how tall is Chris Beardshaw?” says it all really.
Thanks for a fab post, really made me chuckle out loud. Good way to end the working day. Although it does make you worry about some people and their strange google requests
Hi WW, It’s quite obvious that if you wish to increase your blog traffic, you have a clear customer demand for saucy pics involving muddy wellies….Add in Linniew’s ‘large banana’….and the world’s your oyster. Could take gardening blogs to a whole new level?
Thank you, Woman in Muddy Wellies. I do sometimes, still, laugh out loud at some of the search terms that bring people to The Anxious Gardener. Writing fairly often of blue tits, long-tailed tits and great tits, etc brings me many disappointed readers, I think. I’m glad you liked ‘Anxious Hog’ – it’s possibly my favourite post. And I’m saving up more search terms for ‘Anxious Hog – The Return.’ As I’m sure you are too! Thanks again, Dave p.s. I had my first visitors from Iraq, Malawi and Albania recently – one each!
‘no idea why Mongolia is visiting my blog’ Won’t your stats tell you as mine do – what search terms Mongolia used, which post he landed on etc. When I’m left thinking, but but I never wrote about … – I click the link and find a post or a phrase I’d quite forgotten writing!
Search terms are such fun! I often collect them together and do a spoof version of GQT, lots of fun to do, especially when you get the serendipitous pairing of the term ‘Where is Monty Don’ and a local blogger spotting him at a Bob Dylan concert at around the same time ;)
This made me laugh out loud! Who knew that gardening blog posts could seem so racy to a search engine?
You made me smile too! thanks you. I rearely find the time to check the searches on my posts but I’m sure I’ll start looking now that I know I will be in for some entertainment. Christina
Fun post…I have often looked at the amusing search terms and wondered what brought people to my blog…
I’ve often thought about doing a similar post but have never got round to it.
I always look at the search terms on my blog, some of which are rather odd to say the least. Thanks for a most entertaining post. xx
Haha this is gold. The part about ‘alan titchmarsh crotch’ is hilarious. What kind of person searches for such a thing? Haha.
I should be working, but now you and the Anxious Gardener have set me off on a trail of madness (though so far it’s not – happily – going anywhere near Alan Titchmarsh’s crotch). Very disturbing people out there…
It’s a slippery slope, Kate. Fascinating and disturbing in equal measures.
I’ve got to add that I’ve just found someone searching for ‘no 1 cock and hen’. I was talking about orange hawkweed. This may not be what they had in mind.
I can only imagine so many disappointed people ending up at gardening sites when they were looking for something very different.
I just trawled through all of the search terms that have directed people to my blog ever, and NONE are dirty… I feel somewhat disappointed and inclined to start adding phrases like “HOT NEKKID GIRLZ” or “BEN AFFLECK NAKED” to my entries in random places. (I have never – EVER – googled the latter. Not at all. *blushes*)
I can sense your disappointment, you must just attract a much more select group of people to your blog ;).